Is there a sillier bastard out there than Billy Payne—the chairman of Augusta, host of the Masters? Doubtful.  The pompousness of people like Payne NEVER ceases to amaze me. According to “Judge and Jury” Payne, Tiger Woods will no longer be judged by how he plays golf. His legacy, Payne claims, will be determined by how Tiger redeems himself from the sexual scandal that has rocked his life since last November. Really, Billy Payne? Really?! That statement moves right to the top of “Dumbest quotes of the 2000’s”, right there with W’s proclamation that the war with Iraq was in the bag, and boxer Antonio Margarito’s claim that he didn’t know he had Plaster of Paris in his hand wraps for the Shane Mosley fight.

Woods is a golfer. He’s not a diplomat…professor…software innovator…doctor…writer. Not that he’s dumb—he went to Stanford. But what he does means virtually nothing in the overall scheme of life. He’s the best in the world at what he does—playing golf. And that’s the ONLY thing on which he should be judged. By us, anyway. His wife and family have been intimately affected and their standards of judgment are obviously  much more emotional and personal. But as admirers of his ball-striking skills, we have no right to judge how he lives his life away from the golf courses.

And please, stop this role model nonsense. If you tell your kids they should pattern their lives after any celebrity, you should take a long, long look in the mirror. YOU should be—or at least try to be—their role model. And if you haven’t learned from Bill Clinton, Steve Garvey, David Letterman, Tiger, etc., then you deserve to be disappointed. Celebs—for the most part—don’t sign up for the job of role model. It’s just assumed that because they can hit a ball or catch a pass or shoot a 3-pointer, that kids should look up to them. And that’s great—if they want to pattern themselves like their idols only  athletically. But when lazy and stupid parents want these people to raise their kids and mold their morals, well, it’s reprehensible. If a person wants to be a role model, fine. But don’t automatically assume that because someone can sing, act or play sports that their lifestyle is one you should admire. And if you’re mad because you bought a product Tiger shilled for—grow up. If you buy something solely because someone tells you to do it—you’re a lemming.

The only thing more laughable than Billy Payne is the comments from some of Tiger’s sexual partners that he owes them an apology. Again—REALLY? For what? For agreeing to consensual sexual relations with someone who’s one of the most OBVIOUSLY MARRIED people in the world? It makes me wonder if room temperature is too high of a number when comparing the IQ’s of these women.

Eldrick “Tiger” Woods is a serial philanderer. A married man who’s obviously not a fanatic about marriage. And from my dealings with him over the past dozen years, somewhat of an ass. However, he’s probably the greatest golfer ever. And that’s what we should focus on. Because other than that, Tiger Woods doesn’t really mean that much. Certainly not enough to warrant all the attention—and outrage—from people who can’t let it go……

Ran into an old friend,  Twins' manager Ron Gardenhire,  last night in the Minnesota clubhouse at the Big A. After exchanging greetings, he asked if I was there to see the O-Dog, Orlando Hudson, his new second baseman. Told him I was and asked him where Hudson’s locker was. “C’mon, Joe,” Gardy said, laughing. “I don’t have to tell you where he’s at.  You’ll HEAR him!” Sure enough, as I turned the corner to head in, I heard the chirp, chirp, chirp of one of my favorite people.

Orlando Hudson deserved better than how the Dodgers treated him in the playoffs last season. Sure, he was struggling as the season wound down, but he was an All-Star and should have never been benched for a career underachiever like Ronnie Belliard. Joe Torre didn’t show O-Dog the respect he was owed, all but guaranteeing that Hudson would not be back in 2010. And while I’m sure Blake DeWitt will be an excellent 2^nd baseman, Hudson brings so many intangibles  to the clubhouse that he’s tremendously hard to replace. And he’s an All-Star caliber player. “Hey, it all worked out great,” Hudson said last night. “I had a great time in LA, made the All Star team and now I’m with a great team and a great group of guys. I’m really happy.” And I’m happy for him, but I’m going to miss seeing—HEARING—him every time I walk into the Dodger clubhouse this season……..

Can the Lakers turn it around before the playoffs? Or at least flip the switch once the playoffs begin? They’d better……..